"No one loves me like you" & a growth opportunity

Tues, May 28, 2013

Today, despite yesterday's music induced sadness, I decided to turn on my college music station (the Rich Mullins pandora Internet radio station).
I did have many fond memories of college, after all. This time as I sang along with the music, wind didn't swish my hair about (like is did in my car) and whisper "Possibilities" as it passed. But rather, my dear little Houston and I were cutting and taping this super learning craft that I found online.
http://www.mrprintables.com/printable-file-folder-games-clock.html
http://www.mrprintables.com/abc-cafe-file-folder-game.html

I loved watching his little face concentrating hard to stay within the lines to follow my instructions. He did such a good job too! It was such a special time together.

There was a song that came on by Jars of Clay (who I was introduced to by a college crush) called "No one loves me like you." As I sang those words, I recall singing them nine years ago to my God. However, I realized that I didn't really mean what I said.
Though I sang, "no one loves me like you" I actually meant,
 "No one loves me like you love me... yet. But, this way that I am imagining that you fill and fulfill me is a wonderful and hopeful stand-in until I find my husband who will love me in person how you love me in my thoughts."
I didn't really believe that God's love would surpass any human love. I just thought it would be a good filler when I was alone. Because, how can we feel God's love (I thought)?
Yet, now I know for certain that God's love does surpass human love. I have found myself a good, stable, kind, thoughtful, God seeking husband who loves me and loves the kids and tries his best to make us all happy and healthy at his own expense. But, human love (the married kind, not the passionate, lustful, forbidden kind of our youth) is comfortable and safe and sweet. But it doesn't fill us deep within with this fullness that leaves no discontent. I think that only the love of God is so powerful.
All other love is only a facet of God's love and not as all encompassing as His and so leaves us with a slight feeling of incompleteness.
So, how do we feel this love? We take time to know Him more in his Word, through thanksgiving, through praise, through seeing His hand in all good and trusting Him despite the evils around us. And slowly, through this darkened glass of mortality that obscures the fullness of how we shall know Him, we can know and feel His love more and more.

This is a good place to close. I will write later about how I scolded Daniel for "venting" when it was really just him seeing life and its circumstances through a very negative  lens because he was overly tired from training and poor sleep. I will mention about how he likes to make sweeping statements about our future (such as indefinitely postponing having a third child) when he is tired and grumpy and how I forbade him to vent about life when he was in such a mood because it made me feel bad and it wasn't constructive.
I will also write about how my late night personal time on the Internet and doing my own things after the family has slept has actually been a big part in making me unable to wake early and thus putting an extra burden on Daniel to take care of the kids because he feels bad for me and doesn't want to wake me. All these things I will expand on more tomorrow when I get a chance. Now it is time for bed.