"handling responsibilities"

Wednesday, May 29

My life is full. I realize that my life is filled to the brim.
However, my way of dealing with stress is by dropping my responsibilities and just letting them be undone. Exercise? Well, I ride my bike everywhere.
Deep cleaning? Gets dirty much too fast for that.
Bible reading? I'm getting there.
Morning duties? I'll let Daniel handle that since I am on all day.
However, This isn't really fair to Daniel because he is on all day too. I fact, I am much better at handling mornings if I just went to bed earlier. There's really no reason why I should be up past 9:30. I would like to tell myself that my sanity is kept by getting lost in Pinterest and emails so that I can spend some alone time after everyone is sleeping. you know that delicious piece of solitude uninterrupted by the curious inquiries of my dear three year old? This is solitude that is so evasive during the daylight hours.
Yet, my life isn't any richer for doing these wasteful things. I used to say to myself that it didn't matter when I went to bed as it was only affecting me. But, I was wrong.
Last night Daniel had one of his grumpy, sleepy induced sweeping statements of how he dreaded having more kids at this moment and that he wanted to wait till there was some equilibrium in his life before adding to his plate. He felt that he was always in a rush with no rest, he wasn't sleeping well and he couldn't imagine having more kids any time soon.
I, personally, prefer getting pregnant sometime in the next 9 months so that the kids can play with each other without there being too much of a gap and that it will be easier to plan group activities for the kids.
Also, I thought he had unrealistic expectations of life with kids.
So, we went back and forth discussing this issue and trying to come to a common understanding but we just decided that he was too tired and needed to rest so it was best not to talk about this now.
Then, as I was waiting for sleep to come over me at ten o'clock, I realized that he didn't know what was wrong or how to express it but all he really needed was help. He is sweet and wants me to rest but he does it to his own detriment. I really need to step up and get my proper rest so that I can be up early early early and help my sweet guy.
Six am is just early enough to get things started for breakfast and personal care before the kids wake up. Five am would be ideal for personal time with God, a bit of exercise and the rest. Sigh.
I'll get some light proof curtains for the kids room so they don't wake when the sun rises by 5 and let's see how this goes.